“Never Too Young To Die” An incredibly bonkers 80’s action schlock fest

“Never Too Young To Die” is an incredible 80’s action schlock fest with one of the most bonkers concepts ever.

The brief was “Make a young James Bond with up-and-coming heart throb John Stamos.” But the director (who went on to create the Baby Genius and Karate Dog series!) decided “Hey, what if you cross Rambo with the Rocky Horror Picture Show?"

Yes, whereas Bond had to deal with bald geniuses in safari suits, Stamos’ “Lance Stargrove” faces off against the psychopathic hermaphroditic drag queen via Mad Max terrorist gang leader VELVET VON RAGNAR (just pause for a second, my friend, and read that name and sentence again) played by none other than the Tongue from KISS himself, GENE SIMMONS.

Folks this movie is a GLORIOUS MESS. It falls into a favourite sub-genre of mine where the baddie steals the show from the hero. Lil 22 yr old John Stamos looks like he’s playing dress ups in his dads clothes (the James Bond connection is cemented with his dad being played by one time James Bond George Lazenby) but it is Simmons who is the anti-hero of this movie. His cackling, slinking, feather boa twirling baddie is a VIBE. Never mind his plan never really makes sense and you’re wondering SURELY THERE’S AN EASIER WAY, the joy of this movie comes from watching him CHEW SCENERY and KICK ASS – and also sometimes the other way around.

But don’t just take it from me – after disowning the movie for many years, John Stamos himself has finally come around to seeing what a gem it is. “It’s the perfect midnight-movie, where people can come and dress up. It’s — what’s the term I’m looking for? — the best worst thing you will ever see,” he said in a recent interview.

But is he right? Join us on the 10th of May as we decide if its RAD, BAD or MAD!

FOLKS it is our last screening at SAWTOOTH for the season – and winter is coming so RUG UP WARM. Feel free to bring your own refreshments and snacks – and even throw on a feather boa or two! And don’t forget a cash donation for our wonderful hosts.