Why we gather around grief

“We are all carrying grief, a deep unimaginable grief that impacts how we receive and connect with one another. It is a cumulative emotional and spiritual wound that results from the history of violence we all share...This creates a barrier that prevents us from being able to truly see one other, meet one other, and connect with one other.”

Sherri Mitchell / Weh’na Ha’mu’ Kwasset (She Who Brings Light)

We have forgotten how to grieve. And in forgetting how to grieve, we have forgotten how to live.

All of our ancestors carried rich traditions around loss and grief. They gathered around grief because they knew grieving together brings people together. They also knew it was necessary for keeping a community healthy. And they knew that it is impossible to fully embrace life without embracing death and loss. So they wholeheartedly embraced grieving as a way to embrace life in its fullness.

Our grief ritual

At this community grief gathering, we will gather to remember how to grieve. Together we will build a temporary village, share our truths, and support each other in expressing grief.

At this event the facilitators will invite the group into a different and older kind of relating, where we listen to each other and offer support by simply being present. This will include opportunities to share our truths with the full group and small groups.

We will gradually build a ritual container, leading to a grief ritual modeled on traditional community rituals for death, loss, and healing. The ritual will feature traditional elements like singing, drumming, and a beautiful altar. Participants can take part in any way they wish. Facilitators will be available for one-on-one support. Our ritual will be an opportunity for participants to express their grief in a group setting where grief is radically welcomed (a first-time experience for many in our culture).

Afterwards we will wind down with a simple meal and final shares.

This event will be limited to 25 participants.

"The grief circle was led with great precision. It was a slow, safe unwinding of that which is inside me. It felt healing to bring peace to my inner self."

-Robert, 2026

Our hosts

The space for our ritual is being generously donated by the Olympia Unitarian Universalist Congregation. Please note that while this event will be occurring in a church, it will not be a religious event, and all are welcome.

Accessibility / Health Considerations

The event will occur in a modern and accessible building in a forested neighborhood in West Olympia. Participants can expect noise, wailing, and other loud expressions during the grief ritual. We will have a variety of seating options and participants can also bring their own seating, mats, etc.

All trauma has grief connected to it (though not all grief is related to trauma). Participants living with significant trauma or PTSD should be mindful that a grief ritual may bring up trauma. They may wish to consult with their mental health provider before attending, and an aftercare plan is recommended.

Shorter grief ritual events have the advantage of being more accessible and available but are less suited to trauma and traumatic or recent losses (multi-day events are better able to hold these types of traumas and griefs). If you have questions about this please reach out to the facilitators.

The facilitators are not mental health providers but are trauma-informed and can help participants to regulate their bodies during the event.

For the health of everyone we ask that anyone who has been recently exposed to a communicable illness, or anyone feeling ill to please stay home. Masking and testing are welcome but not required.

We also ask that, in the spirit of connection and trust, participants remain sober for our events.

Before and after care

Before the event, we recommend that participants spend some quiet time meditating or journaling about their relationship to grief. This can also be a good opportunity to set some intentions or call in support both in terms of friends and “greater than human” supporters (nature, spiritual, ancestral, etc.)

Grieving can be very stimulating to the body, and has its own timeline and agenda, often stretching over long periods of time. A grief ritual can be both cathartic and healing and it can bring up a lot that may require care, time, and space in the following days and weeks.

All participants should arrange support for themselves for the days, or even weeks after the event. This could look like having some good listeners on standby, scheduling a follow-up session with a grief-informed therapist, extended time in nature, or attending embodied or healing events (dance, singing, yoga, etc.)

Lineage

Our facilitators are indebted to our teachers, who include:

Thérèse Charvet and Tere Carranza of Sacred Groves
Laurence Cole
Sobonfu and Malidoma Somé
Martín Prechtel
Francis Weller
Joanna Macy

Facilitation Team

"Evan and Carey fostered a space where we felt empowered to all be co-creators in our own processing and healing. Their deep dedication to this work is evident in their compassionate and nurturing spirits. I was able to feel embodied, held, and connected to my fellow people by the ritual in ways that has stayed with me long after its end."

Hayley, 2026

Carey French is a Somatic Sex Educator, song-leader, and grief ritualist. She has studied with beloved teachers Laurence Cole and Therese Charvet in the NW Grief Tender Mentoring Program, and has been attending grief rituals since 2015. She works with clients to metabolize the pain of sexual violence, boundary violation, and loss, and reclaim their erotic aliveness. She finds joy and resilience in dancing, being in the sun, and creating magic with groups.

Evan Wagoner is a community activist and facilitator based in Olympia, Washington. He first encountered a grief ritual in 2022, and since then has become immersed in the regional movement for community grief rituals and men’s grief.

Evan is a graduate of Evergreen State College, and is a program associate at the Evergreen Prison Education Program. He completed the Grieftender Mentorship Training with elders Thérèse Charvet and Laurence Cole in the spring of 2025.

The Details

Saturday, October 17 from 12:30pm to 8pm.

12:30pm arrival (please be on time!)
8:00pm closing circle ends

We suggest comfortable clothes that allow freedom of movement

We will have chairs and back jacks but feel free to bring your own seating

Please plan to arrive on time and stay through the end of the event. Please contact us if you are unable to.

We will be providing a simple meal at the end of our time together. No need to bring potluck items. Do bring snacks to share.

Reciprocity

We are offering this event to the community with a sliding fee scale. Help us cover costs and the labor of our team. Please support to the level that you are able. If the available ticket tiers are a barrier to your participation, please contact us (click the 'contact host' link above) to request a pay-what-you-can ticket.

Sponsors

Most of our participants are unable to pay for the actual cost of running this event. We rely on sponsors to make this event possible. We are seeking sponsors (and fiscal sponsors for grants etc). Please reach out if you know of any organizations or individuals who might be interested in helping.

Venue Sponsor:

Olympia Unitarian Universalist Congregation

Contact the host of Olympia community grief gathering - October 2026