Order of the Black Eagle: THE NAME'S BABOON, JAMES BABOON

!!!NEW START TIME 7PM!!!

FINALLY a movie that adds what JAMES BOND films have always lacked: a tuxedo clad baboon that drives a tiny tank!

Keeping with our tradition of showing sequels, ORDER OF THE BLACK EAGLE is the second of the DUNCAN JAX adventures where a low-rent JAMES BOND ripoff must stop South American enthusiasts of a certain Austrian painter from conquering the world.

This is what I call a blender movie, where the creative crew (who I assume are 12 year old boys) take all the elements they think are cool, chuck them in the blender and hit puree for ninety three minutes. Sure, James Bond is rad but what this movie asks what if James Bond’s sidekick was a baboon that wore its own tiny tuxedo, flies a plane and drives its own little tank? Also he has his own Dirty Half-Dozen of colourful misfits that makes GI Joe look like the poster child of genre hegemony. Also there are hovercrafts and decapitations and dirt bikes and gadgets and lazers and Mad Maxines and cowboys and ninjas and a faux Orson Welles sporting an atrocious German accent and also did I mention the BOON the baboon drives a tank?

OH YES HIS NAME IS BOON THE BABOON!!!

To paraphrase the great Dolly Parton, it takes a lot of hard work to make a movie this bad. The sets are atrocious, which I’ll forgive as they clearly spent the budget on EXPLOSIONS and STUNTMEN. Well, I hope the stuntmen got paid because, boy howdy, it’s amazing that none were killed. In fact, there’s one scene where a stuntman’s head gets accidentally run over by a trike (driven by a machine gun firing Black Panther because that’s how this movie rolls) so convincing that a podcast tracked him down to confirm he survived the stunt. He did which is a miracle cause it was a genuine on-set accident that’s IN THE MOVIE.

LOOK OUT MR STUNTMAN

Alas Duncan Jax did not return for a third installment but was it the fault of BOON THE BABOON? Only you can help us decide when we vote if this movie was RAD, BAD or MAD!!!

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