NEW VENUE! We are back at SAWTOOTH GALLERY. Its BYO drinks and refreshments and a cash donation for the gallery!

This movie is what happens when a mullet achieve sentience and moves to Hollywood.

That real-life sentient mullet is Brian “The Boz” Bosworth, a footballer famed for his outrageous hairstyles, trashing talking, and off-and-on the field shenanigans. After an injury sidelined his career, he thought he’d give movies a go – and STONE COLD is that movie.

Stone Cold tells the story of Joe Huff, an Alabama cop blackmailed by the FBI into infiltrating a white supremacist biker gang suspected of killing government officials. In a world where everything explodes, his police work consists of wearing terrible leather jackets, saying “COOL” things and punching dudes on motorbikes. You know when a little kid is trying to be badass and tough but he doesn’t really understand how because, y’know, he’s a little kid? That’s what this movie is like, in all ways.

I’m not going to lie – the action in this movie is pretty awesome and speaks to its director’s background in stunt work. But it can’t hide the fact that whatever The Boz had on the field, it doesn’t translate to the silver screen. His tough guy character frequently falls to self-parody, but he is definitely not in on the joke.

As it is often the case in these ridiculous attempts to launch an action star, the movie features a stacked supporting cast of classic henchmen character actors filling out the biker gang such as Lance Henriksen as “CHAINS” and William Forsythe as “ICE.” Unlike star BRIAN BOSWORTH, these guys know what movie they’re in and chew scenery like it was laced with MSG.

Thankfully, the movie is saved by its unwavering commitment to trying to be the roughest toughest most masculine movie out there – to such an extent that it TRANSCENCES genre and becomes utterly absurd. It’s a movie where you laugh in delight at the nonsense taking place on screen.

But is it RAD, BAD or MAD? You’ll have to help us decide when we go STONE COLD on Saturday the 11th of October.

NEW VENUE! We are back at SAWTOOTH GALLERY. Its BYO drinks and refreshments and a cash donation for the gallery!