How to Negotiate Safe and Consensual BDSM

Hosted by @WarBarbie

Full disclosure: I don’t consider myself a kink expert, but I do negotiate lots of scenes with newcomers, often in a public setting. I deeply believe kink should be an affirming experience that makes us want to explore our sexualities more.

Good negotiation allows us to establish a shared set of goals for a scene, language to talk about queer bodies, clear boundaries, and a method for communicating once a scene starts. Without good negotiations, meaningful consent is impossible (in my opinion at least).

We will go over the basics of M.I.T.S negotiations (Marks, Injuries, Triggers and Safewords), and talk about how to use the “stoplight system” of communication once a scene starts. We will also talk about the importance of communicating about how to talk about our bodies, how our bodies respond when aroused, in a way that is affirming and not discomforting.

We will also talk about how to identify pain tolerances - we’re all different - and being a “good bottom” is a question of communication - not how much “pain you can take”.We will talk about limits and risk profiles, both from the perspective of a top and a bottom. As a top (normally), I have a conscious too.

We will go in depth in areas where problems often arise like “up-negotiating” - asking for more once a power dynamic has been established - and how to negotiate good aftercare for both parties. We will briefly talk about how solid negotiations before a scene starts can also help set up a process if there are issues or grievances that need to be resolved after a scene ends.

We will BRIEFLY TOUCH on the differences between the SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink), and PRICK (Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink); but this class will mainly emphasize the key shared points between these schools of thought.